Obligation

It has been taught to me that being obligated to someone is a bad thing. I truly believe in this  and have lived my life in a way that discount any form of personal obligation to others. This has lead me to always look at a win win in any situation I am in.

However, I now realize that this point-of-view, however true can lead to some confusion on the practitioner observing it. This confusion comes from the fact that an offer or favor or an agreement will most certainly come from a person and if not stated clearly can be construed as something that carries with it a personal obligation.

Therefore, the onus is one the one offering to deliberately set the context of a non personal obligation and also the receiver to clarify the obligation that comes with an offer or an agreement.

As the case was yesterday, an offer by an individual carries with it an obligation to a cause and not the individual making the receiver feeling uncertain and uneasy. Once the clarity of the context is achieved, the receiver whole heartedly accepted the offer because being obligated to a cause bring with it a sense of liberation and lightness while being obligated to an individual carries with it a sense of dread and heaviness.

I choose to be obligated… to a cause!

Have fun with mistakes/errors

The fear of making a mistake or an error (which ever term you find more empowering) was instill and cultivated when we were very young and was reenforced for many years through out our student life. This has lead to an overdose to the point that it has been engrained and imprinted into our psyche. This has resulted to some good news: great followers and implementors that doesn’t rock the boat. However, there are prices we are paying such as lack of creativity and leadership.

As a social engineering tool is has been effective for the reason stated above. However, it has not been administered in a healthy dose leaving our workforce dry, uncreative and there is a dearth of leaders.

We were taught that mistakes makes us inferior or imperfect. Perfection is 100%. If we make only one mistake that makes our mark 99%, we have failed! So who wants to be imperfection? So we strive harder to be perfect with our focus and intention at the ever elusive perfection. This for me is where the breakdown is. Knowing that there can never be perfection we kill ourself in trying to achieve it; along the way anxiety, anxiousness, frustration and down right giving up happens. Some of us eventually stop all together.

Maybe  paradigm shift is needed on how we see mistakes/errors. There are a couple of ways to see it.

1. It is not about striving to be right but to be well; to do right vs to do it well.

2. Mistakes are learning opportunity for us to better ourself.

3. Mistakes can be fun when it happens.

4. Mistakes is an opportunity to be creative

5. Mistakes are indications of progress

6. Mistakes is the path to perfection.

May I continue to see mistakes in me and in others

Are you buying the singer or the song?

When hiring a singer to sing at an event, is it understood universally that you are hiring him for his talent in singing and not buying the songs he is singing.

However, this context is not so clear for clients when they hire trainers. 

There are clients who thinks it is ok to take a trainer’s course design and materials, reproduce them and hire another trainer to do it. There is no research done, no new input added, just pure copy and paste. There are many terms that are used now days such as IP infringement, plagiarism, copyright protection etc to describe this kind of act. Bottom line, the essence of it all is stealing.

Let’s call a spade a spade. Trust commitment and also do not presume anything.

Respond vs React: A Story from the Internet

At a restaurant, a cockroach suddenly flew from somewhere and sat on
a lady. She started screaming out of fear. With a panic stricken
face and trembling voice, she started jumping, with both her hands
desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach.

Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group also got
panicky.

The lady finally managed to push the cockroach away but …it landed
on another lady in the group.

Now, it was the turn of the other lady in the group to continue the
drama.

The waiter rushed forward to their rescue.
In the relay of throwing, the cockroach next fell upon the waiter.

The waiter stood firm, composed himself and observed the behavior of
the cockroach on his shirt.
When he was confident enough, he grabbed it with his fingers and
threw it out of the restaurant.

Sipping my coffee and watching the amusement, the antenna of my mind
picked up a few thoughts and started wondering, was the cockroach
responsible for their histrionic behavior?
If so, then why was the waiter not disturbed?
He handled it near to perfection, without any chaos.

It is not the cockroach, but the inability of the ladies to handle
the disturbance caused by the cockroach that disturbed the ladies.

I realized that, it is not the shouting of my father or my boss or
my wife that disturbs me, but it’s my inability to handle the
disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs me.

It’s not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs me, but my
inability to handle the disturbance caused by the traffic jam that
disturbs me.

More than the problem, it’s my reaction to the problem that creates
chaos in my life.

Lessons learnt from the story:
I understood, I should not react in life.
I should always respond.
The women reacted, whereas the waiter responded.

Reactions are always instinctive whereas responses are always well
thought of, just and right to save a situation from going out of
hands, to avoid cracks in relationship, to avoid taking decisions in
anger, anxiety, stress or hurry.