Since I started my journey in personal growth, one of the most intriguing concepts I have come across is the state of being called “Victim Mindset”; its characteristics, its damaging consequences and how to overcome it. When I first encountered it exactly 20 years ago, it made a significant impact in my life, so much so that it helped me get through the darkest period of my life. It was the one single personal growth ‘tool’ that I have utilised the most.

However much I am in love with this tool, there has always been an aspect of it that I have not been able to settle until now and that is “What do you call someone who has an opposite mindset of a victim?”

Throughout my journey in supporting others to appreciate and apply this wonderful valuable concept, I have come across and used various terms to describe the opposite state of a victim. Words such as responsible, empowered and driven. I have also encountered other words use to describe the opposite that I don’t fully embrace for specific reasons such as creative, active and forward.

Still, I feel all these words doesn’t truly embodies the true context of the opposite state of a victim. I struggled to find one, until recently. In this article, I offer you the word and why I feel it fits the context.

One of the biggest characteristic and consequence of a victim mindset, which is also my pet peeve, is the fact that a victim relinquish the power to determine his fate. This power is given to others, circumstances or even a set of conditions coming together. He doesn’t own his destiny anymore. He is like a boat in a middle of storm without a rudder, engine or sail. He is in a waiting mode. It reminds me of the Waiting Place in Dr. Seuss’s book “Oh, the places you’ll go”. A victim has no drive, no forward movement, passive, always complaining and doing nothing.

In this context, I am proposing that the opposite of a Victim Mindset is the Owner Mindset. Inherent in ownership is commitment and responsibility. This two drives action and moves us forward. In this mindset, we own up to what we have contributed into the game and not come from blame. An owner is fully aware of what he has done and what he wants and most importantly OWN it fully.

I also feel the word OWNER provides me with a positive mood. Somehow I find myself perk up, proud when I say the word to myself. Don’t you?

As I grow older, I notice during my birthdays, I tend to be more reflective and melancholy. I use to remember (see I told you… reflective) in my younger years, the day bring along with it fun and frolic; a celebration of what might be, forward looking, a day to celebrate what is possible, one of the future.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not reminiscing of what is lost. I find both type of celebration exciting in the same way but from a different context. What do I mean? Let me explain.

Even though in, let’s call it, the younger celebration there seem to be an emphasis on the future it doesn’t mean in, let’s call it, the older celebration there is no future element. There is. That is what makes both exciting. The difference is that in the younger celebration there is very little or none at all elements of reflection. This could be due to the ‘invincibility of youthfulness’. Therefore, what is exciting about the future state is that it is unbridled, unbounded, carefree, air-like. On the other hand, in the older celebration, the future element is founded on reflection which makes it more grounded, realistic and achievable, earth-like. There is a sense of certainty. That is why I feel we accomplished more of what we set out to do in our older self than in our younger self. Both exciting from different context.

The other thing about the trajectory of celebration over time is that as the fun & frolic reduces over the years, joy & reverence increases. I believe this is due to the factor of reflection that also increases during these trajectory.

Why joy and reverence springs out of our reflection?

I contribute to two concept called Redha & Syukur. This two words or concept is what I call an orbiting value; one exist because of the other and both revolves around each other; can’t be separated. Tearing apart one will also tear apart the other.

So what is Redha and why is it one of the most powerful concept in Personal Growth?

First let is distinguish what it is not before we see what it is.

The word Redha is not the same as Pasrah. Pasrah is surrender to what has and might happen to me. It is a mindset. It is has a passive taste to it. It also has a static feel because it anchors to the past. It is a default mood. This mindset is powerful on its own because it is a pre-requisite to acceptance. How can I accept something if I do not surrender to whatever is happening? Yet, I find this is not enough for it is missing the element of action. This is where Rehda comes in.

Redha to me is a pre-requisite to taking action. In it there is pasrah with a few other elements in it. Redha is not only surrendering, accepting what has happened but it is has an element of nothingness to it. There is ownership of the event and a perfect contentment of it; means a state of happiness and satisfaction even. This is where Syukur comes in. That is why it is one and the same; an orbiting twin.

In Redha there is no attachment to the event anymore. There is no thread to the past or the event anymore; there is no energy there. All this comes from you wanting something different in the future. It is here that the essence of action is in Redha.

As I truly reflect my life during this older celebration, I find myself swimming in a vortex of Redha and Syukur of what I had and have, what I was and am and what the lies in my future; excitement of a different kind.

Alhamdullilah for my 52^nd birthday on the 5^th of Feb 2020.