In my Newfield Coaching journey, I was introduced to the friends and barriers to learning. This is one of the many wonderful discoveries I found in this very unique journey of mine. Out of the many barriers to learning, one of the most intriguing for me was “Addiction to answers”.

I use to live a life of wanting answers to everything to a point of frustration. I kid myself that it is what learning is all about… having the answers. It is an obsession of wanting to be in control because if I know the answer, I can then manipulate the outcome. So did I learn anything actually? Yes I do. I learn to manipulate but I lost the wisdom of the answer along the journey since I am hell bent on control.

I now realize that the learning and understanding (wisdom) is not in the answer itself but in looking for the answer. It is not even important what the answer is. You can even abandon the answer or pray you never get the answer so that you can continue to learn and gain insights and wisdom.

I also have concluded in my journey so far that not everything has an answer and not everything needs an answer. Sometimes in order for us to understand it, not getting the answer is just what is needed
and some things are best left without an answer and some things are best honored by just appreciating it as it is without needing to look for the answer; like a mother’s love.

I surely don’t need to know the answer why my mum loves me. It is enough for me to experience her love. No answer is needed. Anyways if i understand the answer why she loves me, what difference would that make? Would my love for her be more? I don’t think so. Would her love for me be more just because I know the answer? I don’t think so. Therefore, in this case I don’t need to know the answer to understand why my mum loves me. Actually, in wanting an answer is in fact disrespectful. Me asking why my mum loves me and seeking for an answer is disrespectful of the person that loves you; my mum.

I also realized that once I was able to get the answer, my pleasure and passion is gone. So in actual fact, the pleasure is not in the win. It is in the play. Once you win, there is no play, no passion since you are already in an ability mood. The game ceases to make you wonder and learn. That is the price for getting the answer… losing pleasure and passion.

There are many life wonders that does not need me to know the answer to see its wisdom and appreciating it. There is beauty in allowing nature and life to do its magic and wonder without us needing to manipulate it.

I truly believe knowledge and wisdom is two different things. I much prefer wisdom.

Yesterday was a fabulous journey for me. I should have guess that much since my day started by witnessing the biggest most beautiful rainbow in my life overhead the training venue.

It is amazing how I was blessed yesterday from sources previously I wasn’t even aware of.

The first blessing was the rainbow. It lit up my morning and subsequently my day.

Then the participants got me connected again to the fact that being a trainer is not only about creating value for others in front of the room but also equally important are those moments when I am in the midst of the participants probing, teasing, challenging, interacting, joking and listening. These small seemingly insignificant actions made huge impact to these individuals and in return made huge impact on the training and me.

My blessings continued with the visit of a friend that has been very supportive of my training journey. She was her normal reassuring self.

And than there were my associates who were exceptionally on fire as well as my partner and co-trainer.

That was only up to lunch. There were many more blessing through out the day up till I fell asleep tired and contented at 10.30pm; to a sound restful sleep.

Note to self: Juara, open your eyes and begin to see your blessings… they are everywhere.

I get my best inspirations at two moments of my life; in the WC and waking up from sleep. It is true what John Steinbeck says; “It is a common experience that a problem difficult at night is resolved in the morning after the committee of sleep has worked on it.” So much so that I take a nap whenever there is a difficult issue to solve, a spark of creativity is needed or I am stuck in my design work.

I don’t pretend to understand it or would want to. One thing is certain it works. Not everything that works need to be investigated and be known. It doesn’t have to make sense. It just is. We are blessed with such matters therefore we should just grace it by not trying to figure it out.

Therefore, I woke up this morning blessed to realize something; It is not the tool that counts, it is the intention behind the use that matters. This came when i woke up this morning and it dawned on me that I can use this blogging to complete my books! So the intention behind blogging now allows me to realize my dream. The tools have always been there but my intention has not materialized until now.

The other thing I also realized was that excitement was an important key to unlocking this intention. It was my excitement in having a new ‘toy’ that opened me up to receive such an idea.

In conclusion, I would like to commit today, the 19th of October 2011, at 8.18am, that I will write everyday and continue writing until I have enough materials to complete my book. Amin.

My nerd-iness has kicked in… again! Today marks my first day seriously blogging. Guess what? I bought a WordPress for Dummies; All-in-One. This happens often to me. I will start something new and I will get a book for it to assist me. I guess my come from is to not only a user but being competent at what I do. Mastery in the subject matter is not my aim. So I notice this and I am asking myself “Why won’t I want to be a master at it?” The only answer that come to mind right now is that “It will take too long!” Hmmmm. Something I need to investigate.

Note to self: Investigate with serious lightness