We have heard the old adage of “Mistakes are learning” being banded around especially in trainings and workshops. This adage is what I call a half-truth; it is only true with certain conditions being met first. In fact, this particular adage about mistake is a classic example of a half-truth.

Mistakes can only produce learning or become learning only when it has gone through a few stages.

The crucial first step after a mistake is done is admitting to the mistake. Without admission, the mistake has not being recognised as a mistake; it is just an event that has produced an undesirable result or outcome.

The second step is the reflection phase where we need to relook back what what happened; what actions were taken or not taken, what was said or not said, what was present or missing. This needs to be done in all neutrality. There shouldn’t be any fear or favour. Brutally honesty and openness is needed in this phase.

The third step is the making sense phase where we will need to start connecting the reflection bits to previously held beliefs, past patterns, usual actions, the effectiveness of those actions, how efficient were we etc so that we can derive to a conclusion or wisdom starts to emerge from the reflected bits. This is where the mistake finally becomes a learning.

There is a forth step that will make the mistake an effective learning. Because at this juncture, the learning is just a learning still left in the intellectual domain. Making a decision on the learning and applying the learning is the step that will take the learning to the level of effective learning.

Faith is a dangerous thing to have in achieving a goal! I know. It is a brave statement to make because it flies on the face of conventional wisdom that puts faith as an integral part in affirming a goal.

Let me explain myself 🙂

Let’s set the record straight. I personally am a great believer that faith is so, so, important in achieving a goal. Without faith, doubt will creep in (as how doubt usually do) and is like a cancer that will destroy a goal; slowly but surely. Therefore, the faith that is needed in achieving a goal is what I called an ‘Unwavering Faith’. This is only one kind of faith. There are many kind of faith out there. The kind of faith that I am talking about that destroys the path to achieving a goal, which coincidently is even more dangerous than doubt is what I call ‘Blind Faith’!

Blind faith is the kind of faith that occurs when someone puts their faith into something without any evidence. It is unsubstantiated overconfidence that is oblivious of influential factors. This can be dangerous in achieving an goal since it will put the person striving for the goal into a lull; a somewhat daydream-denial state that the goal will be accomplished despite all else. This kind of faith can be induced by the notions that once a goal is set, the universe will conspire to get you there, your RAS will get you there or your will vacuum and attract the goal once it is visualised or affirmed! This will lead to inaction, at worst and at best nonchalant actions; lame or indifferent actions (read: ineffective & doing for the sake of doing). You can also have an ‘Unwavering Blind Faith’ which is even more dangerous since this kind of faith is set in stone; can’t be changed.

Now, the best kind of faith to accompany a goal is what I call ‘Grounded Faith’; a faith that things will work out, that a goal will be and I will do whatever it takes to get it done by taking into considerations the numerous influential factors and handling them along the way. This is the kind of faith that is active and generative as oppose to Blind Faith that is passive and lethargic. It is the kind of certainty that allows you to have energy which is needed to be creative and innovative along the path to achieving the goal. Of course the best form is an ‘Unwavering Grounded Faith’ which constantly seek feedback and iterate what is needed to achieve the desired goal.

In a nutshell, it is not faith that matters in achieving one’s goal but the kind of faith that we have that truly matters.

The time of the year has come again when people with fiery motivation start thinking and planning for new year resolutions and goals. Many a time, we think what would be nice to have or achieve, what I have always wanted, what is my desire for my future etc. We begin to dream of what is possible.

This is a good thing yet at the same time we can get carried away in the euphoria of it and forget one of the most important factor in setting a goal which is sincerity. Sincere in choosing a goal that is not steeped with what I call nicety. Our desire to look good will taint what we want to achieve. We have to be real careful of this nice-to-think goals; goals that sounds sexy to the ears, goals that will make us look good, goals that makes us feel good about ourself.

Instead, we should choose to accomplish goals that truly matters to us and hell care if it looks great or a good one! Choose goals that are truly important to us regardless of how it appears to others; how sexy it is.

There is nothing sexy, topic of conversation, wow, ground breaking about a goal to drinking 8 glasses water a day! Yet, if it is meaningful and is important to you, so be it.

Many a times I notice the goals that I declared and I didn’t achieve are those look-hear good ones.

So this coming 2019, I vow to be aware if the goal I choose is because it is sexy to come up with it or is it truly what I want. I hope you do the same too.

The importance of a goal set is always determined by the one going for the goal, never those standing and watching it being achieved!

(I have always been a sucker for an enriching conversation; a conversation that adds value to the conversationalist involved. I do miss the likes of arwah Piya and Taya (Al-fatihah) whom have indulged me in many an enriching conversation in their life time. I miss them both very much as I am writing this. I enjoy both of them because each of them have their favourite topics to converse in. Piya with the fine art world and Taya with the topic of Malay dilemmas.

At the same time, I am thankful to still have a few individuals that are still ‘bebal’ enough to indulge me in this dying art of a conversation. And one of these people is my dear friend Maverick (yes his name is that and he lives up to it in his endeavours, be it personal or professional).

We deliberately slotted a time yesterday to chill and have a conversation. I am so thankful for it especially at this time of the year when we are entering into a news year which coincidently is also the time I will be entering a new phase of my business. I needed to just unwind and explore new ideas and perspective. It was a conversation that was bound to be enjoyable because we had to adjust a few things on both our ends to meet up. Divinity made it so that it happens 🙂

Usually, we will start by catching up on things like family, travel, “what are you up to”, “How’s Will (his son) doing”, “How’s biz?” those normal stuff people talk about. And without fail, every single time, the conversation will move into ‘deep’ stuff we both are passionate about like entrepreneurship, innovation, marketing (he more than me but I love learning from him) and the training industry. And again without fail, lo and behold it will lead to something wonderful. Besides the usual promised profound learning and A-Has there will always be some practical and innovative ideas/solution, for us to take away and execute (on my end at least).

The 4 hours of conversation over two cups of coffee was not only an enjoyable act of passing time but also a relationship builder, a learning opportunity, a mentoring session, a coaching session, a consultation, an entertainment event and a brainstorming session; all rolled into one. That was how valuable conversations can be.

How I wish people and even organisations schedule time outs for conversation; free flowing conversations, unobstructed conversation, unmoderated conversation… just pure conversation.

At the same time, holding a conversation is an art form. Like any art form, the principles can be taught but the mastery is always in the practice. In an enriching conversation, certain values must exist for it to truly be enriching. There must be openness, desire to contribute, curiosity, mutual respect and admiration for one another. The skills needed are listening and enquiring, among others. Some tips to make it enriching are be solution focus, talk about ideas, hold a vision of what could be as oppose to what it has become, be future focus not past centric, be moving and not be stuck, make suggestions not criticism etc.

Like any art form, the principles can be taught but the mastery is always in the practice.

Maybe, I and Mav could device a workshop on the art of enriching conversation and advocate this art form as means for people and organisation to interact and grow.

p.s See. By just writing this reflection on a conversation produces an idea worth exploring. The power of a conversation goes beyond the mere moment it is held; it ripples through time.

This piece is inspired by a fellow entrepreneur that I consider to be one of the best networkers I have ever met. She also embodies the notion of continuous learning in a big way. 

Recently, she shared with me her experience on being selected to be one of only 45 women entrepreneurs from all over the world that will be going for a study visit to Washington, USA. The program that she was selected to go is not the 1st program of similar nature she has gone to, yet her satisfaction being selected this time around is extra; more profound, more heightened.

The difference this time around is that she needed to compete with 20K other applicants. The fact that she is going based on merit, is what makes all the difference.

This conversation led us to explore this subject of validation and recognition (V&R). Why is it important and how so important are they. In this conversation we shared experiences that we had around the context of V&R and made some conclusions.

In essence, V&R is actually a feedback of your effort and competency by a group of people that holds the same context as you do. It is perceived to be the method that proofs whether you are good or bad. The natural progression of this perception is that V&R is used to benchmark you against others (a status determinant).  Due to this, V&R has economical and ego-centric benefits. That is why a lot of people are truly hot and bothered by it. 

However important V&R is, the value of the V&R actually depends on how it is achieved, not so much as getting it. For example, the least valuable one (in fact, for some out there, it is of no value at all) is one that is achieved by buying or paying for it. There is even an industry around this. In L&D this is prevalent. There are local organisations that will contact you under the pretext of awarding you an industry award and all you need to do is send them a one pager introduction and ‘sponsor’ (read: buy) a table or two during the award night for you to invite you staff, family and friends . For those that want this but are also conscious of the stigma it carries, they legitimises it by paying for an international award (Yes! There are organisations worldwide doing this too. It is a global trend) as if it is more prestigious and ‘kosher’ compared to local ones. What is even sadder, these trainers, facilitators and coaches (my industry that stands on integrity) advertise and promote their bought V&R.

Next, there are V&R that is the product of recommendations. This is one notch higher because there is somewhat a filtering process. The one recommending will be more discerning who to recommend. However, there is still room for favouritism and bias. Case in point is when people use their invitation to a certain program via recommendation as an authentic foolproof V&R which isn’t so.

Next there is V&R that comes from competitions where aspiring recipients apply and provide proof which will then go through a stringent process of selection, verification, qualification and investigation. This category of V&R is credible and should be a badge of honour for those that receive it.

The last category is when the V&R is given without any fear or favour. It is awarded by nomination of the public or the industry players or peers. This kind of V&R is presented when the recipient is not even expecting or coveting it. To both of us, this kind of V&R is the most desirable.

So, to my fellow tradesmen, the industry knows what kind of V&R are there. Paying for one in an effort to hoodwink clients and peers might work but rarely so especially in the long run. The short sightedness of people that buy such V&R is that it will reduce the credibility of the very industry you are in. It will also hurt your credibility.

For my friend, AJ that was selected among the top 45 from 20K applicants, I salute you for willing to stand scrutiny and being in integrity when it comes to your V&R. Congratulation on your trip to Washington. You deserve every V&R you have gotten so far because you do not take the short-cut.

“When money is not visible, all is fair. When money begin to be seen, things that were fair before suddenly become unfair.”

According to Maslow, generally there are two types of motivator; deficiency motivator or growth motivator. Maslow applied this in in relations to his theory of Hierarchy of Needs. I am convinced the type motivator goes beyond just needs.

A deficiency motivator is something that gets us motivated to be in action because we have a deficit of something. We thrive to achieve it because we want to make it full. It is something that is there and we NEED it.

A growth motivator is something that makes us motivated to be in action because we want something. It is not that we lack it or have a deficit but it is something that will make us feel good about our self. This is for things that are not vital to your survival but nice for your well-being.

The deficiency motivator comes from a NEED of something while a growth motivator comes from a WANT of something. The deficiency motivator cease to exist once we have fulfilled the deficiency. However, a growth motivator doesn’t cease because it is perpetual due to the ambiguity of the level of fulfilment.

The example of a deficiency motivator will be food and security while the example for growth motivator will be knowledge and aesthetics.

Once we have fulfilled the basic deficiencies, we stop being motivated by the deficiency motivators. And only then will we be influenced by growth motivators. However, this is not automatic. The effect of the growth motivator is dormant if the deficiency motivator is present. However, just because deficiency motivator is missing, it doesn’t mean we will be tempted by the growth motivator. The prerequisite for the growth motivator to kick in is by fulfilment of the deficiency motivator.

Here is where we can manipulate our motivation. By the way, the use of the word manipulate is somewhat has been tarnished with the essence of negativity. If we were to look up the word manipulate, we are given meaning and only half of the 2^nd meaning has a negative connotation. I wonder how many more words that we use now that carries a negative connotation when in actual fact it is not so.

If we are able to make our WANT into a NEED, we can then create motivation!

This is a well-known strategy that has been used successfully in many industry. Human sense of consumerism is based on this. Advertisement and marketing strategy to increase sales is founded on this very premise. If others can make it so for us, therefore, we can make it so for us as well! That is the good news.

We can deliberately re-program our self to not fall into the consumerism trap by making our others WANTS into NEEDS that empower us to not fall into the trap called money and consumerism.

I say, values is not important in the process of achieving a goal.

Our values doesn’t determine whether we achieve our goal or not because it has no influence over our plan or our action; two pre-requisite for a goal to be achieved.

As i write this,  in my mind’s mind, I hear my little voice ask “But what about motivation or being motivated? Surely that is important and directly influence in our action towards a goal?  Isn’t motivation a value?” The answer is YES, motivation is a value I can bring into my action phase to get my goal. And it is in this that lies my argument that value is not important in achieving my goal because I can put in any value; be it positive or negative and i can still achieve my goal. There is no certain value that will get us there or not. Thus since we are always operating on value, means it is not important for us to consider what value we bring into the action phase because any value that I bring in will get me the goal. I could easily bring in hatred and still be equally motivated and will also get the the goal I want; case in point are war criminals of WW2.

It is in this very example that the true value of value in relation to achieving a goal is found. Value is not important in getting my goal since any value will do it. Someone can achieve his goals quite easily with +ve value or -ve value.

A goal is also a great motivator, such is the power of a goal. While a goal give motivation and direction, once the goal is met, it creates impact.

However, the value I bring in is extremely important in contributing to the impact of my goal! The impact produced by me achieving my goal is not in the goal itself but the values we hold along the way. It is the values that creates the greatest of impacts. As we hold a negative value on our way to achieving our goal, the impact we create as we reached our goal will also be negative. In some instance hugely negative. The opposite is true for a positive value.

In fact, more often than not, the impact we produce from us achieving our goal is an amplification of the value we embody along the journey.

Thus, value is of no significant importance in achieving a goal (since we can use any value to get it) but is hugely significant in the impact of the goal.

We in neOOne have a yearly ritual that we religiously do way before we even started the company formally. This has been our standard practice as a company since 2010. The yearly event is called Plan The Year. We started with just the two of us (the founders) and it grew to include our associates and now it is a public and in-house program benefitting more than 200 entrepreneurs yearly. Yes, the number are small yet we are truly proud of this program because it was home-grown with our very own experience embedded into the design. It has benefitted us tremendously and has been responsible for our average yearly growth of 40%.

One of the exercises we do in the session is a reflection exercise on free-style journaling about our year which leads to a visual representation using a graph line timeline called The Life Graph. This graph allows us to see patterns and acknowledge the ups and downs of events in the year and how it has effected us emotionally. Through crafting this graph, wisdom of the year comes up.

Reflecting 2017 using this method, one of my biggest learning for the year came up. I must admit, this could be the biggest lesson for me over the past 5 years. That was how profound it is.

The learning has to do with what I call Talent Blindness. It came about from the departure of a talented associate whom we have supported and nurtured for many years. Upon drawing wisdom from the incident, I am able to flipped the event from Sad Departure to a Good Riddance because of the positiveness that eventually resulted from the departure.

I realised that my blindness is the result of complacency and comfort. It is true what people say that these two are the worst enemy an entrepreneur can ever have.

Due to his talent and all the effort we put into supporting him all these year, we were nulled into putting all our expectation onto him. We started to believe that he is the answer to our prayer and we inadvertently stopped noticing new talents. We became oblivious of the abundance of talent in our very own eco-system. Complacency set it. We operated as if all has been settled. The search has ended. We put all our eggs into one basket. He becomes indispensable to our organization.

This situation worsens because we started to be comfortable with the situation. How can we not be when no energy is exerted, no decision or deliberation need to be made; a sense of settlement cropped in. We look no more; we suddenly developed Talent Blindness.

When the unexpected departure happen, frustration and fear emerged. We panicked. We operated from scarcity because we felt a sense of loss. We didn’t realise of what our eco-system has to offer. This initial reaction is understandable considering the mindset we have and the blindness we are in.

As the dust settled and the real demands of work kicks in, we capitalist on our uncomfortable situation and our unwavering promise to our clients and started being in action to make things work. We begin to gain clarity from our blindness and look at our nearest circle of associates. We went back to having faith in our associates, take risk on them and develop what’s needed.

Suddenly, possibilities emerged. New talents discovered and shining. What’s Broken is mended, What’s lost is replaced. We are no more blind to talents around us.

A new strategy we will be adopting from now on is to continuously populate the talent pool; hatch new talents, nurture up-coming talent and empower mature talents.

As I stand seeing with clarity, I am reminded to always be uncomfortable and always be on the look out for talents.

Many aeons ago at the start of my working life, I was thrust into quite an awkward position. I entered a so-called ‘old’ man industry; publishing. My contemporaries were my dad’s age and are his peers. Many an event, awkwardness is the name of the game when there were me and my dad attended the same event. As peers, I would call his friends by name while as a friend of my dad, I should attach a prefix such as “uncle” or “auntie” before their name. There was never a perfect formula I can apply when it comes to this. Therefore, I decided to call his friends that I knew when I was growing up and are my peers by uncle or auntie; even in formal settings while the rest by their name.

One such luminary that I call uncle every time and everywhere we met was the late Redza Piyadasa. He was an artist, a collector, a gallery owner, a writer, an art critic, a steadfast friend and an art historian. He is a very thoughtful man with very strong opinions on many things. It is always interesting to have conversations with him. I have always considered our chats to be a privilege. Many an afternoon went by just sitting in his living room chatting away from one topic to another for he has many interests. Even though he was much, much older than me plus my dad’s friend, he has always had time for me and treated me as a friend. For that, I am truly appreciative, even to this day.

On one such afternoon chat, a gem of a life lesson was imparted to me. I don’t think he ever knew how significant that chat was. He died in hospital and I never managed to say goodbye for the day I visited him was also the day he passed away quietly with my dad beside him reading the Yassin to him. It was the first time that I truly remembered my dad shedding tears.

Uncle Piya (as I call him) said this to me, “Jo, in life we are always defining, be it things, relationships, situation and even people. In the act of defining say, someone, we inadvertently define our self. The very act of defining others defines us.” I think this came up as we were discussing art criticism or something similar, in the context of opinions, point-of-view etc.

That statement has stuck with me all these years. I find it intriguing yet I am unable to truly appreciate it because I have not truly delved into it. Only when I started my personal development journey did I the statement unravelled itself.

As an art critic, Uncle Piya is known for his sharp opinion backed by numerous references and examples. He loves doing it and he knows very well the perils of this love of his. By nature, opinions are judgements made based on certain criteria and knowledge. This knowledge and criteria is not universally available or agreed upon thus the opinion based on them suffers the same fate. Therefore, in every opinion, there will be detractors. Saying all that, does that mean these opinions matter not? Of course, they matter because the very nature that the criteria and knowledge they are base upon are not universal, that means they offer a different perspective. Therefore, judgements (this includes opinions, point-of-view, thoughts etc – which are versions of judgements) are a useful tool if used with the best of intentions (again a judgement. Lol). Just as an art critic provides perspective, so does all of our judgements and opinions about anything. Therefore, if it is taken in that context, judgements are in fact quite useful. Neutral is the only context in which it will be useful.

Trouble ensues when we impose our judgement on others. We make our judgement the only right one; to make other views wrong. And those that we impose this on retaliates by doing exactly what we did. When this happens, we in return intensifies our effort; not willing to be judged as we have done other. This creates another spiral, so on and so forth till something gives. Wars have started because of this.

Therefore, as we judge or give our opinion to others, we better have the maturity to know and accept that we in return will be judged because our action judging other have given permission for others to judge us.

In judging and being judged, we need maturity for it to not have negative consequences.

In addition, it only takes one of the parties concern to make any situation better. Therefore, when someone defines or judge us and we don’t like it, we can always make the situation better by not articulating our judgement of him. Rest assured our so-called inaction is not a futile resignation because as Uncle Piya says, the other person has already redefined himself by his action. The job is done.

In the wake of PH winning the election and forming the Government, there is a rush for change to be done because it is way overdue. Of course, there is a case to be made for why changes need to be done asap, especially with a 100 days promise hanging like the Sword of Damocles. This is what the Rakyat want and the mandate was given because of the promise that change will happen. Therefore, it is understandable the mood that has caught the nation is one of cleaning up and repairing.

However, I also notice a very worrying trend. People are becoming overzealous with the cleaning and repairing spirit that culling is becoming the mode of the day. By definition, culling is the reduction of a population by selective slaughter. It is not by nature or by the rule of law but by selection. It begs then the answer to the question ”Selection by whom?” The simple answer is of course by the powerful and in this climate of ours, it is the Rakyat.

The danger now is that the culling is masked by the notion of cleaning and repairing when in actual fact it is not. We now hear of people ‘exposing’ this and that and it has begun to be the trend of the day. And more and more people are jumping on the bandwagon. In this euphoria, we need to be extra wary of the intention of the expose. Some could be true but some might not. Just because an expose is done at the time of this huge call for change doesn’t mean it is the truth. We must be extra cautious that right now, in this climate of eagerness for cleaning and repairing, rumours can become reality, fable can become facts, gossips can become gospel and accusations can become accuracy.

Case in point is the recent HRDF townhall where claims upon claims were made about HRDF unfair and questionable practices as well as certain irregularities. I for one am privy to the personality of a few of those that have been accused as well as the accusers. Yes, we don’t really know everything about anyone yet once we know someone for some length of time, we do have a resemblance of their principles and values. If there is indeed a case to be made, let the rule of law takes its course. In saying this, the accuser should also follow the rule of law and use the proper channels and procedure. An accusation made in a public forum in the climate of cleaning and repairing that we are in can be more damaging than previous times just as Steve Young says  “Perception is the reality. If you are perceived to be something, you might as well be it because that’s the truth in people’s minds.” Therefore, in this case, I am also curious to investigate what is the motive of the accusers such that the claims are made in a public forum with such fervour. Could there be another story that is hidden and yet to be told? There are always two sides to a story, at least.

I take stock of what Nietzsche said about interpretation, “All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth.” Calm and level-headedness are needed at this time of great change.

Therefore, let us take a cautionary approach to cleaning and repairing so that in our overzealousness we do not become the very essence of what causes us to need to clean and repair in the first place because of the power we have and have forgotten the truth that we seek.