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We in neOOne have a yearly ritual that we religiously do way before we even started the company formally. This has been our standard practice as a company since 2010. The yearly event is called Plan The Year. We started with just the two of us (the founders) and it grew to include our associates and now it is a public and in-house program benefitting more than 200 entrepreneurs yearly. Yes, the number are small yet we are truly proud of this program because it was home-grown with our very own experience embedded into the design. It has benefitted us tremendously and has been responsible for our average yearly growth of 40%.

One of the exercises we do in the session is a reflection exercise on free-style journaling about our year which leads to a visual representation using a graph line timeline called The Life Graph. This graph allows us to see patterns and acknowledge the ups and downs of events in the year and how it has effected us emotionally. Through crafting this graph, wisdom of the year comes up.

Reflecting 2017 using this method, one of my biggest learning for the year came up. I must admit, this could be the biggest lesson for me over the past 5 years. That was how profound it is.

The learning has to do with what I call Talent Blindness. It came about from the departure of a talented associate whom we have supported and nurtured for many years. Upon drawing wisdom from the incident, I am able to flipped the event from Sad Departure to a Good Riddance because of the positiveness that eventually resulted from the departure.

I realised that my blindness is the result of complacency and comfort. It is true what people say that these two are the worst enemy an entrepreneur can ever have.

Due to his talent and all the effort we put into supporting him all these year, we were nulled into putting all our expectation onto him. We started to believe that he is the answer to our prayer and we inadvertently stopped noticing new talents. We became oblivious of the abundance of talent in our very own eco-system. Complacency set it. We operated as if all has been settled. The search has ended. We put all our eggs into one basket. He becomes indispensable to our organization.

This situation worsens because we started to be comfortable with the situation. How can we not be when no energy is exerted, no decision or deliberation need to be made; a sense of settlement cropped in. We look no more; we suddenly developed Talent Blindness.

When the unexpected departure happen, frustration and fear emerged. We panicked. We operated from scarcity because we felt a sense of loss. We didn’t realise of what our eco-system has to offer. This initial reaction is understandable considering the mindset we have and the blindness we are in.

As the dust settled and the real demands of work kicks in, we capitalist on our uncomfortable situation and our unwavering promise to our clients and started being in action to make things work. We begin to gain clarity from our blindness and look at our nearest circle of associates. We went back to having faith in our associates, take risk on them and develop what’s needed.

Suddenly, possibilities emerged. New talents discovered and shining. What’s Broken is mended, What’s lost is replaced. We are no more blind to talents around us.

A new strategy we will be adopting from now on is to continuously populate the talent pool; hatch new talents, nurture up-coming talent and empower mature talents.

As I stand seeing with clarity, I am reminded to always be uncomfortable and always be on the look out for talents.

Many aeons ago at the start of my working life, I was thrust into quite an awkward position. I entered a so-called ‘old’ man industry; publishing. My contemporaries were my dad’s age and are his peers. Many an event, awkwardness is the name of the game when there were me and my dad attended the same event. As peers, I would call his friends by name while as a friend of my dad, I should attach a prefix such as “uncle” or “auntie” before their name. There was never a perfect formula I can apply when it comes to this. Therefore, I decided to call his friends that I knew when I was growing up and are my peers by uncle or auntie; even in formal settings while the rest by their name.

One such luminary that I call uncle every time and everywhere we met was the late Redza Piyadasa. He was an artist, a collector, a gallery owner, a writer, an art critic, a steadfast friend and an art historian. He is a very thoughtful man with very strong opinions on many things. It is always interesting to have conversations with him. I have always considered our chats to be a privilege. Many an afternoon went by just sitting in his living room chatting away from one topic to another for he has many interests. Even though he was much, much older than me plus my dad’s friend, he has always had time for me and treated me as a friend. For that, I am truly appreciative, even to this day.

On one such afternoon chat, a gem of a life lesson was imparted to me. I don’t think he ever knew how significant that chat was. He died in hospital and I never managed to say goodbye for the day I visited him was also the day he passed away quietly with my dad beside him reading the Yassin to him. It was the first time that I truly remembered my dad shedding tears.

Uncle Piya (as I call him) said this to me, “Jo, in life we are always defining, be it things, relationships, situation and even people. In the act of defining say, someone, we inadvertently define our self. The very act of defining others defines us.” I think this came up as we were discussing art criticism or something similar, in the context of opinions, point-of-view etc.

That statement has stuck with me all these years. I find it intriguing yet I am unable to truly appreciate it because I have not truly delved into it. Only when I started my personal development journey did I the statement unravelled itself.

As an art critic, Uncle Piya is known for his sharp opinion backed by numerous references and examples. He loves doing it and he knows very well the perils of this love of his. By nature, opinions are judgements made based on certain criteria and knowledge. This knowledge and criteria is not universally available or agreed upon thus the opinion based on them suffers the same fate. Therefore, in every opinion, there will be detractors. Saying all that, does that mean these opinions matter not? Of course, they matter because the very nature that the criteria and knowledge they are base upon are not universal, that means they offer a different perspective. Therefore, judgements (this includes opinions, point-of-view, thoughts etc – which are versions of judgements) are a useful tool if used with the best of intentions (again a judgement. Lol). Just as an art critic provides perspective, so does all of our judgements and opinions about anything. Therefore, if it is taken in that context, judgements are in fact quite useful. Neutral is the only context in which it will be useful.

Trouble ensues when we impose our judgement on others. We make our judgement the only right one; to make other views wrong. And those that we impose this on retaliates by doing exactly what we did. When this happens, we in return intensifies our effort; not willing to be judged as we have done other. This creates another spiral, so on and so forth till something gives. Wars have started because of this.

Therefore, as we judge or give our opinion to others, we better have the maturity to know and accept that we in return will be judged because our action judging other have given permission for others to judge us.

In judging and being judged, we need maturity for it to not have negative consequences.

In addition, it only takes one of the parties concern to make any situation better. Therefore, when someone defines or judge us and we don’t like it, we can always make the situation better by not articulating our judgement of him. Rest assured our so-called inaction is not a futile resignation because as Uncle Piya says, the other person has already redefined himself by his action. The job is done.

In the wake of PH winning the election and forming the Government, there is a rush for change to be done because it is way overdue. Of course, there is a case to be made for why changes need to be done asap, especially with a 100 days promise hanging like the Sword of Damocles. This is what the Rakyat want and the mandate was given because of the promise that change will happen. Therefore, it is understandable the mood that has caught the nation is one of cleaning up and repairing.

However, I also notice a very worrying trend. People are becoming overzealous with the cleaning and repairing spirit that culling is becoming the mode of the day. By definition, culling is the reduction of a population by selective slaughter. It is not by nature or by the rule of law but by selection. It begs then the answer to the question ”Selection by whom?” The simple answer is of course by the powerful and in this climate of ours, it is the Rakyat.

The danger now is that the culling is masked by the notion of cleaning and repairing when in actual fact it is not. We now hear of people ‘exposing’ this and that and it has begun to be the trend of the day. And more and more people are jumping on the bandwagon. In this euphoria, we need to be extra wary of the intention of the expose. Some could be true but some might not. Just because an expose is done at the time of this huge call for change doesn’t mean it is the truth. We must be extra cautious that right now, in this climate of eagerness for cleaning and repairing, rumours can become reality, fable can become facts, gossips can become gospel and accusations can become accuracy.

Case in point is the recent HRDF townhall where claims upon claims were made about HRDF unfair and questionable practices as well as certain irregularities. I for one am privy to the personality of a few of those that have been accused as well as the accusers. Yes, we don’t really know everything about anyone yet once we know someone for some length of time, we do have a resemblance of their principles and values. If there is indeed a case to be made, let the rule of law takes its course. In saying this, the accuser should also follow the rule of law and use the proper channels and procedure. An accusation made in a public forum in the climate of cleaning and repairing that we are in can be more damaging than previous times just as Steve Young says  “Perception is the reality. If you are perceived to be something, you might as well be it because that’s the truth in people’s minds.” Therefore, in this case, I am also curious to investigate what is the motive of the accusers such that the claims are made in a public forum with such fervour. Could there be another story that is hidden and yet to be told? There are always two sides to a story, at least.

I take stock of what Nietzsche said about interpretation, “All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth.” Calm and level-headedness are needed at this time of great change.

Therefore, let us take a cautionary approach to cleaning and repairing so that in our overzealousness we do not become the very essence of what causes us to need to clean and repair in the first place because of the power we have and have forgotten the truth that we seek.

Imagine this scenario. In front of you, there are two items A and B. You are told to make a choice. How many choices are there in front of you?

The most common immediate response I’ve heard all these years are two, A or B. Upon some thoughts, most will come back with three; A or B or both. This is followed immediately by four choices; A or B or both or neither.

What is interesting is not the fact that the choices increase over time. What is interesting is the immediate response. What can we learn from this? Well, for one, this is an indication how our mind is lazy. It usually only chooses the obvious because it is the safest of choices; there is no risk in the obvious, the common, the predictable and the mundane. The mind doesn’t have to pause and think. That is way too time-consuming and might produce an uncommon situation that might put us in danger. This goes against what our mind is designed to do; to keep us safe. The other choices are not part of the protocol the mind is built with. This is also the protocol that has made us believe we are not creative (outside the norm), need to conform and follow the true and tested.

The other interesting perspective about choice is the fact that we choose based on two very distinct protocol.

The first protocol is what I call Situational Focus. This protocol makes us choose based on what I don’t want to happen to me or what will I lose if I choose. This is the most common protocol we use because it evaluates the risk and increases the safety quotient. This protocol is the most obvious, ‘predicts’ risk to increase safety & security and doesn’t expose the human to the unknown. The mind is unwilling to pay the unknown prices that might come. It is for all this that the mind loves it and makes it the default protocol.  The downside to this protocol is that the choices made have an aftertaste of compromising or making do. It is safe and generates rather low energy. Often, this protocol produces a victim mindset (victim point-of-view) because the human feels it is not the choice that he or she really wants but rather a compromise.

The second protocol is not as common as the first protocol and I call this Future Focus. This protocol makes us choose based on what you desire or what you can gain rather than what you might lose. It is indeed an opposite protocol from the first one. It allows the human to take a risk and to be responsible for overcoming unseen challenges that might come. This protocol has taken into consideration that risk will be there and will be overcome. The protocol generates high energy and a lot of uncertainty, therefore, it also generates fear and excitement too; excited of the what the unknown will throw in. Within this protocol, the human has decided to take responsibility.

The first protocol looks at the external factors while the second protocol looks at the internal factors. These two factors are also choices the mind makes.

There is also the question of choice (pilihan) and choosing (memilih) – making a choice.

The question is do we choose first than be a victim or because we are already a victim that is why we choose what will emphasize our victim-ness.

People become a victim of the challenges they face.

In regards to regret, we only regret something based on what we know now and not what we know then. This is because, if I know the now back then, I would choose differently.

Reaction: “OMG. I am so inspired. Thank you so much for that. You have really made a difference!”

Respond A: “Ah no worries. Small matter” or

Respond B: “No. No. No I didn’t do much.” or

Respond C: “That thing? It’s ok. It is something I do so often; almost effortless.”

Have you ever experienced something like the above or something similar in context? What really motive us to respond in such a way? Humbleness? Uneasy with compliments or the limelight? Awkwardness? Shyness?

Regardless, these responses might seem harmless and in our mind could even be warranted. However, every respond there is a message that we might be unaware of.

Maybe within our intention to be humble inevitably we have denied two things thus making us somewhat a taker as oppose to a giver. From someone, that is in gratitude to someone is ungrateful.

The first act of denying that we inevitably done is to take away the inalienable right of someone to appreciate someone else; at worst or at best, reduced the magnitude and importance of act itself. It is as if what the giver feels is misleading, less important or even outright wrong!

The second act of denying that we inevitably done is to deny the self all the effort, time, learning that we have gone true to reach to a place where what we do is of significance to others.

One might argue that it is of no consequence because what we did was so simple, so easy, so often done (spelled mastery) and not worth much. Maybe to you but transparent to the giver of praise! In fact in this thought we are showing arrogance by not honoring the work, attention and teaching of those that were involved in us achieving our mastery.

Therefore, in allowing us to receive praise from others for our mastery (whatever it is) is actually an act of contribution to the person that is praising and also an honor on behalf of all the teachers, mentors, gurus, and sifus that have been in contribution to who were are at the moment of the praise.

Be in gratitude for the praise of your mastery for it is not for you but for others!

ps: Thank you Mariam El Bacha for reminding me of such an important life context.

Some people leave their comfort zone into their growth zone. Between this two is a zone called the groan zone. Here is where all the nasty demotivators; doubt, uncertainty, frustration lives. Once we take a step into the groan zone, we start going into our growth zone in and out, in and out until our groan zone and our growth zone becomes one with our comfort zone thus making our comfort zone bigger. And the magic process of growth starts again smile emoticon.

It takes us to be on the outside to truly appreciate what is in the inside. Just like a goldfish being in a fish bowl; the water is transparent to him until he is taken out of the water.

This ties in closely to the context of empathy; being able to be an observer that truly appreciates and understand what it is like to in one the space of another. What is so powerful about empathy is that it is a peer-to-peer relationship, unlike sympathy which has an element of top-down. This allows discourse and objectivity without compromising one’s own stand.

Often times it is hard for us to make choices. Based on my own experience, the reason why this happens is because the price for me to pay in making the choice is too big. This can be reduced by focusing on the gains that I might get from making the choice instead of focusing on the price. In addition, willingness to live with the prices is also vital in making a choice.

Having said all this and realising it, I still find it hard to make a choice. During these times, what I observe is that the price is too big and overshadows the gains; well, that is what I thought.

Out of many prices to pay, the hardest to pay is the price of one’s ego. The desire to be bigger, the need of wanting to be better, the desperation to be right , the pull to being richer etc get in the way; big time.

What has worked for me is to hack onto this by reducing the value of my ego.

If I price my ego at RM1million, than of course there will be very seldom a time I will be willing to pay that price. However, what if I price my ego at only RM1? Surely there will be more times I am willing to pay the price.

Sad that the value of happiness is less than the value of our ego. So too is the value of trust and integrity.

The sooner we put a realistic value to our ego, the faster it will be for us to gain all that is more valuable to us all.

“Are you willing?” is a question I always ask in coaching. If the answer is YES, than there is work to be done. If the answer is NO, than no amount of coaching and strategising will help. Move on to what is next.

The emotional part is ‘The Elephant’ in Chip & Dan Heath book Switch. Change will only happen when the elephant decides to move.

The notion that emotions has no role to plan in decision making is a myth. It has to do a lot with the decision that you make; in fact a huge part. And get this, it is not the whole part 🙂

A decision that is made with the absence of emotion will be one that is, at best, devoid of energy, motivation and push. While at its worst is a decision void of compassion, humility and humanity. Bare in mind having, recognising and acknowledging your emotion is very different than being emotional. Being emotional is acting at the spur of the moment with the emotion driving the action full force without a passenger-driver called rational.

A healthy balance of both rational and emotion is needed. Both needs to be taken into consideration. One is flawed without the other.

Having said all that, at the end, the emotional part of the decision is what will determine its success. Once a decision is made; either via the rational or emotional argument, the emotion will need to take the lead to drive it with the rational at the front passenger seat. As time goes by, rational will need to trade place with emotion and vis versa throughout the journey till you reach your destination.